Dear Brother Jobs

Posted on | September 14, 2009 | Comments

(Confidential)

Dear brother Jobs,

I read you now have a new liver.

One million genuine good wishes from me and all in my village to you.

You will be pleased to know this:

About the time you got a new liver, our village got a new Macbook.

Actually, our village cybercafe owner Jaggu (aka Jags) bought one.

But since Jaggu, Talli and I are country liquor bar regulars, he lets me use his Macbook anytime I wish.

I salute you for the good work you have done.

No anti-virus required – wah!

Tell me brother, can’t you build a Mac Swine to counter our recent medical problems?

But let me come to the point.

This is a confidential letter.

So I write to you in strict confidence.

In our village there is a saying:

You may have the most milky cow in the village.

But if the milk does not reach the customer in the morning, what is the point?

Yes brother, someone must tell you what is happening with your new Snow Leopard software here in India.

It is today much like the Indian Bustard – hardly visible.

On 28th of August, Jaggu and I caught a bus to the city to buy the first copy of the Snow Leopard.

You see, in our village, first day-first show is a big thing.

And Jaggu and I are always first to hit the ticket counter.

Alas. We were told there was no news of your wondrous new software.

We spent 246 rupees on that trip, if you count the 4 cups of tea, samosas and the lunch we had mid-way.

On the 4th of September, we went again.

This time we were told the Snow Leopard should be in the shop in one week.

Brother, that cost us 246 rupees more, but I shall let that pass.

Today we did the smart thing.

We called the shop from our village PCO.

We were told the Snow Leopard should be available after 14 days.

But if we wanted, we could get a side-upgrade done for 3000 rupees only.

You are horrified, no?

We were too.

Yes we are from the village.

But why should we spend 3000 rupees to get something that you have promised us for 1800 rupees?

Do you know how much country liquor that kind of money can buy?

And do you know what all Jaggu gets at Savitabai’s kotha for all that cash?

No brother, I am not scolding you.

I know you have just got yourself a new liver.

But let me tell you.

You underestimate us as a market.

We may have one Macbook in our village.

But we have countless villages in India.

Understood, na?

I know.

I know it is not you brother – but what your people do reflects on you.

Remember, India is the land where you found your enlightenment.

How can you mistreat it like this?

(Yes, I read that too on wikipedia – what a glorious online service it is)

Today it takes only one day for Juggu’s cousin to send him money from America.

Then why should it take so long for a CD to reach our country?

Brother, I trust you will look into this murky matter.

You can email us, but mark it confidential.

Or better still, send us a Snow Leopard CD.

Sarpanchji sends you his blessings.

And his wife has promised to make besan ke laddoo for you the next time you come here in search for enlightenment.

OK brother, that will be all for now.

Juggu, Talli and I await the Snow Leopard.

Take good care of your business.

And look after your new liver too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PS: You may deduct 492 rupees (two trip travel cost) from the cost of the CD.

PPS: Did you create wikipedia too?