24 Belvedere Estate

Dear Brother Teleshopping

Posted on | October 1, 2009 | 20 Comments

Dear Brother Teleshopping,

No greetings to you.

Apologies, but I do not know how to greet someone as enlightened as you.

You see, late Sunday night, we were all watching TV at the village square.

Talli, in his usual high spirits, was playing with the channels.

It was he who stopped at this amazing vision:

A man and his wife are seated in their house.

A lady relative is visiting them.

“How is everything?” she asks them.

“Great. Business, life, home, everything is great,” he replies.

The wife beams.

The visiting lady looks at the man jealously.

Evil rays emerge from her eyes and head towards the man.

But just before they reach him, a mystical shield surrounds his head, deflecting the evil red rays.

We watched with bated breath.

Magic?

No.

It was the Nazar Suraksha Kawach.

The Evil Eye Bead that can protect one from evil looks.

Available for only Rs. 2375.

What a revelation. What a discovery.

This magical Nazar Suraksha Kawach, we were told, had saved many marriages from breaking and many businesses from collapsing.

Do you know how irritating it is to the nose when chachi burns all those red chillies every time she tries to save Bansi’s son from the evil eye?

Not anymore.

After all, your wonderful Evil Eye Bead is also smoke-free!

Brother, I am the converted preaching to you now.

You have opened our eyes.

Now we know why Jaggu (aka Jags) got polio when he was three.

Now we know why there was no rain last year.

Now we know why brother Shiny Ahuja was caught.

Now we know why uncle Bhushan can’t perform in spite of 4 marriages.

It was definitely because of an evil eye.

But thanks to you, nothing like that will ever happen again.

Brother, you know things no one else does.

You are a visionary, a saint, a prophet.

You possess exceptionally rare wisdom.

Do you know how we figured that out?

Well, we checked online.

Even the glorious wikipedia did not know about Nazar Surakhsha Kawach :-D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PS: Savitabai is ordering 20 pieces – one for each member of her village kotha. She says the evil eyes of the wives of her honorable customers are always threatening them.

Category: India, Satire, Teleshopping, Television
Tags:

Comments

  • http://www.facebook.com/bipin.trehan Bipin Trehan

    Given the circumstances…I think I need one too :) …Marketers definitely feed on the insecurities of the people. Make money while people are down and out of luck.

    BTW, In your postscript message, is it savitabai or savitabhabi :)

  • http://www.cockybox.com cockybox

    Hahahahaha… I think I could use one :)

  • http://www.rameshsrivats.net/ Ramesh Srivats

    Heh Heh. I visited the site. I am planning to
    a) Grow back my hair with Keshyog
    b) Suck up to the ruling planet with Rashi Ratna Sangrah
    c) Gain physical & mental strength with Hanuman Kawach
    d) Gain domestic harmony with Maa Shakti Kawach
    e) Lose all my fat with Forever Slim Tea
    The secret of a happy life for Rs. 20,000 or so. GTM rocks.

  • http://rahuljauhari.com/ Rahul Jauhari

    Ha ha ha – I could use b, c and d any day :-)

  • merajhasan

    hilarious stuff, man…even ive tripped quite a bit on these ridiculous messages. they can happen only in India's degenrate society still believeing in superstition

    and oh yeah…not to mention the fake beard of the 'baba' and some freebie they give along with this kawach. lol!

  • shashijain

    Thanks teleshopping, Now I can grow my hair back with your KESHYOG, could remain forever slim with your SLIM TEA, can enhance my confidence with RASHI RATNA,have glowing skin with ROOPAYAN …..and yes I could understand this blog and write backin english…thanks to your ENGLISH TUTOR…..keep inventing….

  • http://cerebrationlog.blogspot.com/ Naveen kumar

    lolz nicely written…. the pic of 2 eyes on the nazar raksha kawach is really scary :P

  • http://www.lbhat.com bhatnaturally

    Dear Brother Rahul,

    Keep this series going!

  • http://bornofchaos.blogspot.com/ ashwini gowariker

    great post! the sitemeter or equivalent of nazar suraksha kavach must be claiming overtime by now. the english tutor says 'TENSE CHART is provided in our English Tutor package to make you well verse with basic rules of English language'. ouch.

  • http://rahuljauhari.com/ Rahul Jauhari

    lol, there is no dearth of WTF in India, right?

  • Harjee Kapur

    Now I know why the lady stood me up on the weekend trip. I saw look on the chemists face when I bought a large pack of Asprins *wink* !

  • http://blinkjet.wordpress.com/ Devina

    Hehehehe….in office, we call the teleshopping ads the 'Bob & Linda' series. In those dubbed infomercials, you have a firang Bob (with dirty Hindi accented dubbing) demonstrating to the audience seated at the show (ye dimwit audience aati kahaan se hai?) how he got his 20-pack abs with Eazee Machine while the firang host Linda is awestruck, “Oh Bobb!! Yeh toh kamaal ho gaya!! Mujhe toh yakeen hi nahi hota!”

    And let me not get started on the local Hindi infomercials!! I hope you've seen the sanjeev kapoor 'tapak tapak' one! ;)

  • http://rahuljauhari.com/ Rahul Jauhari

    Hee Hee, I have always wanted to dub one of those :-)

  • Chintu
  • http://rahuljauhari.com/ Rahul Jauhari

    superb collection chintu!

  • http://twitter.com/kajal81 Kaj

    ha ha ha ha.. love it. I have an evil eye pic on my FB albums that relates to this =)

  • http://rahuljauhari.com/ Rahul Jauhari

    lol I saw ;-)

  • http://www.donraja.wordpress.com/ Rajesh Ramaswamy

    this is too funny. even ive seen this. though i am still not convinced that someone can be envious of me and my life to cast buri nazars. super series….keep it going. keep getting talli

  • bhumika

    Classic example of how advertising plays on people's insecurities. Interesting read.

  • bhumika

    Classic example of how advertising plays on people's insecurities. Interesting read.