Dear Brother Internet,

I hope this mail finds you in the pink of health.

And does not find its way into your junk folder.

Is it true that’s why you never answered my previous mails?

But first things first.

This week, you turn 40.

Congratulations.

As Virginia Slims cigarettes said to young ladies around the same year you were born:

You’ve come a long way, baby.

Wikipedia says that is also the title of Fatboy Slim’s second studio album.

In which, in a song, DJ Freddy Fresh sings ‘Fatboy Slim is f#@%ing in heaven’ – a full 108 times.

But that is not the one I was referring to.

I genuinely meant that you have come a long way, baby.

Now to come to the point.

I am older than you are.

And being someone who genuinely cares for you, it is my duty to wish you well.

And ensure that the advice of our village elders reaches you.

~~

Brother, you are at a turning point in your life.

You must be careful.

We had read somewhere a few years back that you had gotten involved with many sites of the explicit sexual type.

Chacha Ramdev had, back then, recommended you be termed an outcast.

Later, when we protested, he suggested you turn to yoga.

I know, in younger days, we tend to lose our way.

I also know you are all grown up now.

But if you HAVE to deal with these sex type sites, then remember one thing.

Always wear a condom.

We are contracting flu from swines nowadays.

Who knows what a site might transmit?

~~

Brother, you are at a turning point in your life.

You must be wary.

Three years back Munshiji received an email at the cyber cafe.

Someone from Nigeria wrote to him saying his dead uncle had left him 50 million dollars.

And to receive the same he would have to wire 5000 dollars first.

Munshiji, after treating the entire village to jalebis, sent the money.

But never heard from that person again.

That is how we came to know of your involvement with those email-fraudsters.

Munshiji demanded that your face be blackened and you be stoned to death.

But after we bribed the Panch, you were let off on grounds of lack of evidence.

Yes, I know you are not like that.

But ALWAYS do a background check of people you befriend.

Better still, ask them for their pan card.

That way you will know if they are genuine or not.

~~

Brother, you are at a turning point in your life.

You must be smart.

Men, it has been written, become wayward at forty.

It is a delicate age.

You remember Bansi?

Well, he got started on this internet messenger chatting with some Savita bhabhi.

It started with being good friends.

He would send her virtual cards.

But very soon things went out of control.

Even when his wife of 14 years walked out on him, he would not stop those sex-type chats.

Till the day he discovered that Savita bhabhi was actually a horny old man.

Bansi called you unmentionable names that day.

But I know you.

You would never know that man.

Nevertheless, in case you get the chance, never have intimate conversations with women you cannot see face to face.

NEVER.

Now with section 377 being valid in our village, Bansi’s case hardly stands a chance.

To think, he also lost the only real woman he had.

~~

Brother, you are turning forty.

You must slow down.

Today, I read on google that you are giving birth to too many social networking sites.

Have you forgotten the virtues of family planning?

Do you know what your children are up to?

Do you even remember all their names?

Remember Bholu, the village panwallah?

His teenage daughter put her picture up on one such site.

Some crook stole her face and pasted it on a porn site.

Now the only man willing to marry her is that 60 year old retired station master.

And the villagers are baying for your blood.

Again.

I know children are children.

But too many are difficult to control.

Always deal with them with a firm hand.

And if your wife wants to have more, tell her what the dispensary nurse told us:

Pehla bachha abhi nahin. Doosra bachha kabhi nahin.

(First child, not now. Second child, not ever.)

~~

PS: Do check in the junk folder in case you missed my earlier mails.

“You guys blog because you want to show-off.”

Someone once said this to me with great distaste in a discussion on blogging.

OK. So let’s take this show-off bit to the next level.

I’m going to show-off, ever so blatantly, a list of blogs I like consuming.

In fact I recommend you go read them as well.

(I am presuming that my taste in blogs will agree with you.)

These are not (boring) celebrity blogs.

There is no particular genre – since I read whatever I like.

More importantly, if this list is limiting, it is because of my limited exposure to great/useful blog-writers.

Do chip in with links in case you know a great blog that I don’t.

Let’s Put Da
A collection of ROFL posts by Ramesh Srivats. Pun-dit stuff.

Born Of Chaos
Ashwini Gowariker’s blog. She writes a little infrequently now. But some of her posts, like the Face Value series, rock.

Doing Jalsa And Showing Jilpa
Epic wit of the highest order. The author describes himself like this – “Krish Ashok is an anti-social, music loving philistine who is doing jalsa, showing jilpa, enjoying gilma, thinking about matter, vuttufying peter, sutthufying ooru and generally having gajabuja fun.”
Now you know what to expect

Ces Mots
Intense writing by Rads. I am happy to have run into her and am presently indulging in #fables on Twitter thanks to her.

Munna On The Run
Thought-provoking, issue-based, exceptionally creative and rarely disappointing. Hemant Anant Jain’s blog.

Copywriter Diaries
It’s a personal blog. I don’t know Nabila. But I like her writing. Because it reads personal, I guess.

Dinchak Disco
Eminently readable. Anytime.

Bhatnaturally
A well balanced and extremely useful blog – marketing, internet, advertising focused. Authored by L Bhat – his blog ranks very high in the list of top global blogs on the subject.

The Ad Contrarian
Bob Hoffman, ceo of Hoffman/Lewis advertising, authors this blog. He is witty, sharp, funny and loves to go contrary to what is popular advertising and marketing wisdom. Must read. He has some gems in the archives.

Great Bong
Disgruntled movie-fanatic, wannabe politician. I like this madness. Check out the header image

Fly You Fools
Some very funny stuff here. The author, as the blog informs us, is Saad Akhtar from Delhi.

India Uncut
Immensely popular. Amit Verma’s blog. I particularly like his WTF posts.

Miss Kido Speaks
Never fails to make me smile.

Prashant Godbole
God, as he is known amongst friends. The blog is proof.

A Twist Of Word And Mind
Rambodoc, another hugely popular blogger.

Twisted DNA
Immensely enjoyable writing.

There are some other personal blogs I like.

But I am not sure if i should link them without seeking permission.

However, you can return my gesture by sharing links to blogs you admire, love or follow.

That way we could rustle up an eminently chewable list.

Simply posting the link in the comment box will do.

Happy reading.

__________________

Added by readers:

Smoke Signals
Prem Panicker’s blog – this is a temporary location as he revamps his original blog, which is Here.

Dave Trott’s Blog

Antidote
Souvik Chakraverti’s Blog

Son of Bosey
A humor based blog by Anand Ramachandran

Iyer Matter
Jai Iyer’s blog